


A Mistake Not To Listen (When I Knew Where You'd Been)

by MoragMacPherson



Series: Home Is Where I Want To Be (But I Guess I'm Already There) [6]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Cassian may be some kind of ninja, Luke's as relieved as you are, M/M, and would have been super duper awkward, very narrowly dodged a birds and the bees talk, which wouldn't have fit the tone, why yes it is possible for the most awkward elevator ride ever to come with extra awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:51:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9907307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoragMacPherson/pseuds/MoragMacPherson
Summary: Luke's only a few dozen meters from the Ewok encampment when he feels dark ripples in the Force.





	

Luke's only a few dozen meters away from the Ewok encampment when he senses something almost predatory in the Force behind him. Dropping to his knees to try to ascertain the source, hand on his lightsaber hilt, it doesn't take long for Luke to figure out because the presence starts chuckling at him. "Who did you think I was, Commander?" says Cassian Andor, materializing out of the shadows, without the poncho or helmet he and the rest of the Pathfinders had been wearing when Luke saw them last.

"I didn't know," says Luke, getting back to his feet. "I thought Han ordered you to wait for us to rendezvous with you at the garrison."

Cassian bares his teeth in what could never be mistaken for a smile. "What, and miss your misadventures with the furballs?" he asks.

Luke shakes his head. "Don't underestimate their potential as allies, Commander."  
  
"I would never," says Cassian with a broad wave of his hands. "Though I am curious about your comings-and-goings."  
  
"They're none of your concern," says Luke. Before he knows what's happening Cassian has swept his feet out from under him and he's lying on the ground, Cassian straddling him with his knees pinning Luke's wrists, Cassian's blaster pointed up under his chin.

"I'll be the judge of what is and is not my concern, when my troops are the ones on the ground, Skywalker," says Cassian, leaning in close. "Try again."

Luke glares up at him. "If you want your troops to be safe, you need to let me leave," he grits out.

"Why?"

"Vader doesn't share my level of restraint," says Luke.

That hits: Cassian's eyes go wide and the pressure on Luke's arms relents slightly. "Darth Vader is here?"

"If not on planet already, then definitely on his way," says Luke with a jerk of his head skyward. "I can sense him."

"And what are you going to do about it?" asks Cassian, the steel returning to his voice.

"Distract him, hopefully," says Luke.

"How?"

Luke closes his eyes. "By giving myself up." Cassian goes still over him, his shadowy-erratic Force signature revealing the flinch that his body does not as Luke opens his eyes to stare him down in the planet-light. "It's either that or watching him mow your troops down, one by one if you're all very lucky." Luke takes advantage of Cassian's horror to Force-push him off, grabbing the blaster away for good measure. "Do not underestimate the power of the Force either, Cassian," says Luke once he's back on his feet.

Cassian nods, brushing some of the dirt off his clothes, but his eyes never leave Luke's. "As you say. But how will letting Vader take you prisoner stop him from defending the garrison?"

Luke grimaces, knowing how much better this plan sounds when he doesn't say it out loud or voice his truest hopes for the outcome of the encounter. "You know that he's obsessed with me and that the Emperor's onboard the Death Star as we speak?" Cassian nods. "Vader has standing orders to bring me to the Emperor, to try to tempt me to the Dark Side. Once he has me, he'll leave the moon to bring me before the Emperor, and you're free to complete the mission."

"With the Empire already alerted to our presence?" says Cassian, a small shake of his head emphasizing his doubt.

Luke waves a hand. "I'll tell them I came alone. If I can sense Vader, he can sense me, so there's already that level of alert." Cassian scowls and Luke sighs. "Like I said, at least my plan takes Vader out of your equation."

Cassian looks at Luke like he's just sprouted a second head, "And puts you on board the Death Star that we're scheduled to destroy within a few hours," he hisses, one hand rising between them and briefly clenching into a fist before he shifts the motion to run his fingers through his hair. "No wonder Bodhi was so angry last we spoke," says Cassian.

Luke's heart stutters. "Bodhi," he says, not able to control the swell of emotions just the concept of Bodhi has on him in the moment. Cassian looks at Luke with _pity_ and what a cruel galaxy Luke must live in, to earn that kind of look from this kind of man. "If it comes to it, I'm sure you'll help Bodhi understand," says Luke.

Cassian shakes his head, muttering something that's probably a string of expletives in a language Luke doesn't know. "You're lucky that I drew the short straw and Jyn's still keeping watch over the Princess, or else you'd be dead where you stand," he says at last.  
  
"I kind of already am," says Luke, his voice sounding weak and watery to himself, before his mind latches on to what _else_ Cassian said, knowing how carefully the man doles out information. "'Watching the Princess?' How long were you two spying—"

"We're spies," says Cassian, sounding and looking entirely unrepentant.

"How much did you hear?" asks Luke, resisting the urge to point Cassian's blaster at him.

With a quirk of his eyebrows, Cassian clasps a hand to his chest. "Are you honestly worried that _we_ would be indiscreet?"

"That conversation was not meant for your ears," says Luke.

"You seem to be forgetting that we're on the same side, Luke. What possible purpose of mine could it serve to circulate the news that two of the brightest lights of the Rebellion are secretly the long-lost children of Darth Vader?" asks Cassian, his voice deadly earnest.

"I don't know, I'm not a _spy_!"

"So long as that's true of you and Leia as well, then Jyn and I won't have any cause to share your secret," says Cassian, infuriatingly confidant in his logic. "Does Bodhi know?"

"I don't see what business it is of yours, again," says Luke. "But yes, he knows."

"You're talking about a suicide mission to keep your father from slaughtering my Pathfinders, and you don't see what business of mine it would be, whether Bodhi knows your true motivations, when you just told me you were counting on me to comfort him?" Cassian huffs out a small laugh. "Now I _really_ understand how furious Bodhi was when we left."

"It's not necessarily a suicide mission," says Luke, doing his best to ignore another reminder of the tension under which he and Bodhi had parted.

"Your odds are at least as bad as we faced on Scarif," says Cassian.

"And you still went," finishes Luke, offering up the blaster. "Do you truly believe I'm any less devoted to the Rebellion than you?"

Cassian's lips purse as he takes his weapon back. "Not any longer," he says, holstering it while stepping to the side. "But for my sake as well as Bodhi's, please try to find a way to escape. I really would rather not have to explain to Jyn that I could have stopped you but didn't."

Cassian extends a hand to Luke, which Luke takes, finally feeling like Bodhi's friend might actually be his as well. "Thanks, and I'll do my best, but don't hesitate lighting this place up on my account."

This time the smile actually reaches Cassian's eyes. "May the Force be with you," he says before melting back into the shadows. Luke stares as the space left behind— even Cassian's Force-signature feels cloaked and hidden; if Luke hadn't known to look for it he'd swear he's utterly alone. Maybe Master Îmwe taught him that; if so, it's a trick Luke wishes he'd been able to pick up, rather than having to hike a dozen clicks just to surrender himself for a potential suicide mission. _Not a suicide mission, I'm going to get back to Bodhi, mend what I've broken, somehow._ All the same, he's glad that in this plan he's going to be able to keep Vader as far from Leia, Han, Chewie, and all the Pathfinders. Luke doesn't need any more deaths on his conscience—or on his father's.

For the remainder of the hike, Luke does his best to meditate and calm himself. He cannot face his father with any deceit in his heart, not if he wants this to work, and Luke _needs_ this to work because otherwise this really is a suicide mission. Intentions pure, he walks up to the main gate of the garrison, his hands behind his head as an Imperial shuttle makes its landing approach overhead.  Luke can't stop the fleeting frisson of joy he feels at the sight before reminding himself that it's not Bodhi, but Vader inside, but perhaps he can use that. "Decide for yourselves whether you'd rather curry favor with your commander or Darth Vader by bringing them a highly valuable prisoner," he tells the Stormtroopers, and he's half-amused when they choose their commander over Vader.

Luke finds himself far less amused when his initial entreaties to Vader meet nothing but the mask's blank, dark stare and rejoinders of allegiance to the Dark Side. Trying to contain his disappointment, Luke lets himself be led to Vader's shuttle. He's never even seen a holo of Anakin Skywalker before he became Vader, but Luke knows the man his father was — _could still be_ — must be in there, somewhere.

Unfortunately, the first hint he might be right comes in a sinister wrapping with which Luke is entirely uncomfortable. His binders are latched onto a support over a bench in the shuttle which presses him up against the bulkhead and Luke can't help the flash of memory — _not a day ago, Bodhi bent over a similar bench, clad in nothing but sweat, demanding Luke push in_ harder— when he sees Vader turn towards him, the wash of his father's power over his mind. " _Dzwol shâsotkun_ ," says Vader, but in Luke's head he hears, 'There is only passion.'

"What was that?" whispers Luke, listening to his father's mechanized breathing.

"So you bring your own attachments into your training," says Vader. "That will prove very useful." Luke feels his face start to burn as Vader seems to hesitate before choosing to take a seat on the other side of the bench. The guards appear momentarily confused as well and under some unspoken agreement all quickly rise and climb to the upper level of the shuttle, leaving Luke and Vader alone as the ramp closes and the engines fire.

"Your passion will serve you well, even wasted on a traitor," says Vader and Luke has to look away. For all the pain it's caused, in this moment Luke knows his insistence that Bodhi get as far as possible from this battle is worth it.

"I wonder if my mother would agree," says Luke, trying to deflect his father's attention from Bodhi, distant and safe, but nonetheless still potentially vulnerable.

There's no pause in Vader's breathing, but Luke can sense his bitterness. "What do you know of your mother?"

"Nothing," says Luke— _very beautiful, kind, but sad_ — Luke buries the source of words against Vader's probing, twists them in his mind to give them Obi Wan's voice instead.

"Your mother was a Queen," says Vader with a reverence in his voice that had been, until this moment, reserved for the Dark Side and the Emperor.

"And who was Anakin Skywalker, before he was a Jedi Knight, before you became a traitor to her and the Jedi?" Luke spits back, not having any real answer himself but after all these years, still unable to tolerate slights towards Bodhi's character — _he's a better man than I am, he may be the most decent, honorable,_ best _person I've ever met_ —

Vader raises his hand and Luke flinches back. "The treachery was entirely on their side," he says, the modulator adding even more menace to the words.

Luke lets out a sigh, shoulders slumping as much as they can in the confines of the binders, cursing under his breath. Bickering is the last thing he wants to with Vader, even if it does seem to be pushing his father to recall his humanity, Luke doesn't want that to be in the context of remembering what made him forsake it. "I am not here to betray anyone," he says.

Vader in turn remains silent as they sit through the moment of lift indicating the shuttle's broken atmo, before the artificial gravity kicks in. By the time Luke has managed to master his own feelings and dares to observe, Vader's Force-signature has transcended confidence and now feels practically smug. "Your feelings for him run deep within you," says Vader.

Luke presses his forehead against the durasteel of the binders. "Of course they do," he mutters, "I love him."

This confession seems to give Vader pause. "You know the Jedi Code forbids attachments," says Vader.

"It hasn't really come up. Bodhi," and Luke feels his teeth gnash with the promise of violence if his father dares to profane the name, "has been by my side throughout my training. No one has objected."  
  
"Once you have embraced the Dark Side you will not be required to choose between love and power," says Vader.

Luke lets out a bitter laugh, remembering the flash of fury and determination in Bodhi's eyes, the little flare of his nostrils, the set of his stubbled chin — _I will slide a blade into your heart with a song in my own_ — letting the image and words resound in his mind for Vader to see. "You know that's not true," says Luke. "Search your own feelings: how much love have you felt, since you turned towards the Dark path?" After several moments of silence, Luke cocks his head with a quirk of his lips.  "I thought as much."  
  
The conversation pauses as they land and Luke is paraded through the Death Star. The feelings of fear and distrust that scream out from everyone who sees his father—and they're definitely feelings for his father, the feelings directed towards Luke have a deeper tinge of scorn— help to steel his resolve. When the turbolift doors close, he glances up. "It's obvious, the amount of love that your power commands," he says.

"I have never desired their love," says Vader, sounding distinctly annoyed and Luke can't feel smug, that's not the mission.

"Did you ever desire mine?" he asks. Vader doesn't answer. "You could have it, if you ended this with me."

Vader's shields are up, his Force-signature as impassive as the face of his mask. "Perhaps I still shall, once you are turned."  
  
"I will not turn."

"Then I do not envy you your fate and I hope your last words with your traitor were kind," says Vader and it's like a punch to the gut because yes, on the surface they'd been kind, but underneath there'd been such longing and _disappointment_ — "But it seems you truly are my son."

Later, Luke has himself so braced and prepared for Vader to leap on his attachment to Bodhi that it's shocking to him when Vader discerns his attachment to his sister Leia instead. As he brings his saber down on Vader again and again it's with a mind to protecting them both — but Bodhi won't have him if he's turned to the Dark — _placing tender kisses on his prosthetic, not the only trait he shares with his father_ —

It's in both their names that Luke is able to stop himself. So it's because of them that he's able to see that maybe his father did want to love him before he dies.

Later still, as the others celebrate on the forest moon, while Luke stands alone at Anakin Skywalker's pyre, an unmasked presence in the Force approaches. He feels the tension in his shoulders seep away as the most luminous being he knows lays a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," says Bodhi.

Luke turns and crushes Bodhi against him, letting the tears fall on Bodhi's neck, drinking in the smell and _life_ of him. "How did you find me?"

Bodhi nuzzles his nose against Luke's cheek, firelight turning his eyes the color of Corellian brandy. "I'll always find you, Luke, don't ever doubt that," he says.

"I didn't know how far you'd gone," says Luke.

"Not far enough that I'd have to miss the celebration with my friends," says Bodhi, pulling up Luke's hand so that he can kiss his fingers, his other arm loose around Luke's waist. "With my family," he whispers with a small smile, before glancing at the pyre. "We won."

Luke nods. "We did," he says, pulling Bodhi in for a deep kiss, and Bodhi tastes like stale caf and sweat and life, they did it and against all the odds they're both _alive_. Luke's not sure how long his sobs last, but he does know that Bodhi holds him until the tears are spent.


End file.
